This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
