my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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