what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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