I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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