All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
