I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
