I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
