That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
