The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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