happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
