When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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