You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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