I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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