We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
