Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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