She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
