If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
