i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
