oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
