I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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