At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
