I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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