epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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