What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
