That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
