just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
