Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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