I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
