so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
