Betty ford says i'm here all night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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