My room smells like vodka and shame
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
