Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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