my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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