I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
