Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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