I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I would fuck him just for his dog
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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