i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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