i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
