let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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