Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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