yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
