i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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