is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
