sarcasm needs its own font
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
