69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
