Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
