I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
