the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
