I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
