I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
