i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
