why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
