I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
