I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize