you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
