tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
