If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
