Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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