Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
